It’s been a long time I shouldna left you…

Haaay,

I know it’s been a minute… Well for my fellow anxiety sufferers you know we can get stuck in a space where we just cannot do ANYTHING. EVERYTHING sucks, motivation just is not there. At times it’s like your brain won’t allow you to do anything productive. It sucks because you have to work extra hard to do things it can be something you normally enjoy doing but your anxiety can have you thinking why try you’re terrible at everything. It’s not going to work out. Read the next blog post to find out how Dating Crazy also contributed to my neglect…..xoxo

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When do you tell?

Haaay,

Today I want to talk about the struggle of when is the right time to talk about your anxiety. Of course you’re not going to start off telling someone you’re crazy. The question still remains. When is the right time to tell someone that you suffer from anxiety? While I accept my anxiety it’s hard to determine if that other person is going to accept it. Some people will automatically assume your a problem to date. It’ll take someone special to deal with the panic attacks, sleepless nights, thoughts that have no validation. Should you wait until you have a panic attack? Do you just sit down and have a conversation and try to get them to understand? Then there’s the anxiety that comes from wanting to talk but being afraid then you think well this is me this is a part of who I am I should be able to show the real me. If this person is really into me they’ll accept all parts of me even this thing that I have no control over. There’s so much negativity around it you feel like it’s going to be a major issue. You don’t want someone judging you or someone who can’t understand what you’re going through. Definitely wouldn’t recommend dating someone who also had anxiety because while they can understand are you really going to be going through the same thing at the same time. How can two crazies make it together? The question is still When do you tell? At what stage does it become okay?

The one you really want

Haaay,

So my delima I completely cut ties with Mr. R … Mr. B is still in the background we cool I just wish it was more and I don’t get what’s wrong with me that the person I fall for never is interested in me the same way. It’s crazy when we were talking regularly we made each other laugh so much and when we cuddled it was amazing it felt good. The sex was banging he made my legs shake made me want more. His size his physical presence made my juices flow. It’s crazy because he said he was looking for a consistent woman and I’ve tried to give him that. I met another guy on POF we’ll call him Mr. C he’s cool but I don’t think I’m physically attracted we have cool convo and we haven’t met yet but from pics and the vibe I get I only get the friend vibe from him. Wtf is wrong with me I’m drowning every day I feel like is wasted all the girls I work with are younger than me but either in long term relationships, married or engaged…. So how is it I can’t find someone who wants me?

Self Esteem

Haay,

So I’m pretty much down today. Friday night single, no kids you would think I’d be on a date or something right… nope Mr.B has stopped responding and I stopped acknowledging Mr. R’s existence. I just don’t get what’s wrong with me that the guys that shoe me interest suck at life and the ones with any kind of potential don’t see me how I see them. I have to wonder if I’m worthy, am I not as attractive as I sometimes tell myself I am, does my personality suck? I wonder if it’s my looks, the fact that i have some scars I can’t get rid of despite trying my hardest. Is it because I have a little chub, my boobs aren’t perfect? I just think all these things and beat myself with them. On the outside however most days I can pretend that I’m funny, think I’m beautiful, have so much confidence and this high self esteem. I try not to display that side of me to guys you know show my insecurities at least I don’t think I Do? Is it something guys sense? Right now I just think I’m not enough and it’s so intense the difference in how I feel from one moment to the next. I just feel rejected and depressed at the moment like i don’t want to try because I know how it ends up well good night loves I guess I’ll go play in POF for entertainment since my phone is dry and so is my Fri night right along with my vagina 🤷‍♀️

Mr. R and Mr. B

Haaay,

I think it’s time to go back to the drawing board and clear the roster. Hmmm Mr. B I basically asked him what he was really tryna do because when we first started talking he said he needed a consistent woman in his life now I have attempted to give him that but don’t feel like it’s been received or reciprocated. I just don’t get it. I’m very to the point and straight forward so I clearly asked am I wasting my time or nah and it’s weird because if I like a guy It takes so much for me to just stop trying and I feel super crazy like what if he has real reasons why he’s distant but then what if he doesn’t and I just look stupid out here being wifey material and single as hell with no prospects. The one I want never gives me what I want which leads me to Mr. R aka Mr. No Car bka Mr. No House, of course this the one that want to text good morning tryna see me ect, but I’m just not feelin his situation. Plus he got mad just because on his off day I wouldn’t come see him. Um excuse me just because you off I worked all day and I don’t have to run to come see you. If you had a car maybe you could come see me after I’ve had a very long day and then you kinda throw a tantrum and basically hang up on me No Sir. I see bad signs already. Why can’t Mr. B just take me seriously?

Mr. R

Haaay, I told y’all we was gone talk about Mr. R today as stated before met him on POF and of course he wants to jump right in. Hmmm you are cool to talk to but after learning things it’s like daaam. He doesn’t have a car, and lives with family 🤔 Why are you even looking for a relationship? I know people fall on hard times but what are you offering me. I want to be dated. You can’t even drive me on a date or meet me somewhere. So now I’m distancing myself and he tryna move in closer. I digress just had to do a quick rundown of Mr.R

Current Situation

Haay,

Look I could write a book on all this lol so I will never lack content. So look current situation. I’m sort of talking to to 2 guys we’ll call them Mr. R and Mr. B I met both on POF. I met Mr. B first so we’ll talk about him first interestingly enough we went to the same high school but never talked he was a senior I was a lowly freshman so needless to say our paths never crossed. I came across his profile broke one of my main rules and responded so we ended up talking, vibed really well he has his own everything and a good career. We met yes we hooked up I know dumb move but hey he did it for me and we talked about of course “letting thing take its course” but all of a sudden now we barely talked and we def have slept together more than once and he still text me just says he passin out soon as he get home having to be at work at 4 am and I’m trying to be understanding but my anxiety says ” He doesn’t want you, If he did he would find time, He checks his ig , You did something to turn him off, There’s someone prettier” but when I do see him his smile lights up. When he does text me he calls me babe. I just can’t figure out the signals like are we ever really going to get to date or you just trying to keep me on a string. Aye Dios Mios Its all a mess and Miss Anxiety kicks in a soon as somebody change they behavior in the slightest. I’m afraid to put down my foot because I like him and what if it really is just what he says and I let my crazy mess it up?…..Mr. R you will get to know tomorrow XOXO